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The Unbearable Cringe of Being

by AKODA

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1.
Obsolete 04:41
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I guess I’m feeling kind of stuck, yeah My heart should tell me what I want Instead, unsure and alone It waits in silence I guess it’s just another rut, yeah My heart should tell me what I want It screams the same, the same thing always The dream it never changed I see the light break into day My heart swells a little more Watch it fade And wash the old world away
2.
A Feeling 06:05
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*backing vocals* Yeah we’re moving close If you could be it If you could see it If you could feel it If you could know *main vocals* A feeling that nails me down to the earth A feeling that keeps me inside myself A feeling that keeps me away from you A feeling that tells me there’s nothing else Nothing else A feeling that pins me down to the earth A feeling that keeps me inside myself A feeling that everything turns to dirt A feeling that there isn’t nothing else for me A feeling that buries me in the dirt A feeling that empties me of my worth A feeling that keeps me inside myself A feeling that tells us that nothing else could help Singing I feel it call inside And feel my heart try to hide Don’t turn away From the burning light If you hold the pain You’ll realize This feeling *backing vocals* See the future again Held in stasis on end Fear and frozen intent Nothing ends or begins Shrink tomorrow away Let’s just get through today Numb to fear, numb to pain Resign to no change See the future again Held in stasis on end The smallest of our sins Drowns our best intentions Quiet hurt, quiet pain Let em simmer and end Dissipate in the rain Numb to the lost days *main vocals* A feeling that nails me down to the earth A feeling that keeps me away from grace A feeling that buries me in the dirt A feeling that this isn’t what we’re s’posed to be A feeling that nails me down to the earth A feeling that keeps me away from heaven A feeling that buries me in the dirt A feeling that tells us there’s nothing we deserve Nothing else
3.
Ponzu Squib 07:49
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4.
Fortunes 05:31
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5.
Give It Back 05:21
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It begins The same old way It always does It always has The same old way It always does It always has Like a thought Like a seed Like a splinter I can’t work free Like a need And it ends Like a dream You can’t wake up from Like a specter That finds no peace On my back On my knees On a plain That reaches Reaches deepest shadow The refrain That repeats When I reach out For comfort There’s air on my fingers It’s a need that’s never met Give it back
6.
Tenzen 04:26
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7.
A Concerned Citizen 03:31
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8.
Not Available 05:04
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I’m not available I told you like four months ago I put it down in the schedule I’m out, I’m not available I’m not available I’ve got this thing in San Angelo All my siblings said they’re gonna go So yeah, I’m not available I’m not available I don’t need to tell you where I go You don’t own me outside of work you know I’m not I’m not available I said I’m not available So go ahead, put me on the schedule Enjoy the lunch rush when my ass don’t show I told you I’m not available “Can you cover Sunday?” (Not available) “How about Friday?” (Not available) “Jenn’s out on Thursday” (Not available) “We’re short-staffed Saturday, it would be great if you could be here, also can you open?” (I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not…) I’m not available I’m on my own time I’m not available I’m living my own life This is my time This is my life “Friday?” (Not available) “Saturday?” (Not available) “Sunday?” (Not available) “Friday?” (I’m not) “Saturday?” (I’m not) “Sunday?” (I’m not) “Monday?” (I’m not) “Tuesday?” (I’m not) “Wednesday?” (I’m not) “Thursday?” (…) I’m not available I’m not available I’m not available I’m not available I took off the weekend for a reason, Kenneth
9.
Apartheid Emerald Subway (for one) 03:12
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Come on in & take a seat You bought the mess, you bought the spin The neon glow of future failure In a vacuum tube of dreams Sit on down strap yourself in A suckers kingdom & I’m the king Research pales to being mean And besides I know everything
10.
The Mountain 10:48
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One arm One leg From the corner of the bed Back pain and dread One leg One arm Answer the alarm *backing vocals* Get up Get out Get going now Get up Get out Get going now Get up Get out Get going now Get up Get out Get going now Don’t freeze Guilt ridden At the bottom of the Permian sea Miles below the surface Under lamplight protozoa The end of evolution A clean slate in shale And sheaths of chitin New beginnings In the great dying A clean slate in shale... New beginnings... *backing vocals* On my left, on my left On my right, on my right Everywhere, every side Curled Malaise ossified Anxiety and pride Port side, salt flecked eyes, low tide Hips from the side, they realign, replaced with drive My skin hurts New bruises New flesh I can feel it Expand No other way No other way through What else is left Where are we going What are they taking How much more growing should I be faking How many blisters How many schedules How many splintered days do I have to reassemble Take them apart Put them back together The routine is cracked but adapt and get better Scales to feathers Cover letters Bad weather that doesn’t get better Head down on your own endeavors Is it enough? Is it enough? Is it enough? Is it enough? On my left On my right Every side Double time Forward and back Break
11.
Passing Through 03:26
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The air’s a little hazy And I don’t know this road And I don’t know where it goes Will I make it home?
12.
AFPTSD 01:00
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13.
Forward on Foot 04:14
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We recall The way we were In the shadows And we rise We call out Into the light

credits

released July 7, 2023

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AKODA Austin, Texas

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